Emotions are complicated. There is what you are supposed to feel, what you actually feel, and the sensations you can’t identify. As if the weight of our inner emotional lives wasn’t enough on its own, we also get to enjoy the peculiar feelings of guilt, shame, and uncertainty when what we’re going through in our hearts doesn’t match the assumptions we are making about how we should be feeling in our heads.
Naturally, complicated emotions don’t only arise when we make accomplishments. They appear during peak moments like birthdays, holidays, weddings, births, graduations, etc. Of course, complicated emotions arise in quieter, more nuanced moments, too, like when we have some quiet time to ourselves or when we start thinking a bit too much about what it means to be alive.
As you’ve surely seen (or else I’m not doing a good job of promotion), my new book was released this week. There are a lot of feelings that you are expected to feel when something big in your life happens. Some of them you expect to feel, and some of them other people expect you to feel. This past week, seemingly everyone I talk to has asked me, “How do you feel?” The answer is that it feels complicated.
I’m grateful to have accomplished something by releasing a book and excited for its insights and advice to start helping people make their lives better. I know how useful some of the experiences in the book I share are, and the idea of other people gaining the same mental clarity, peace, and confidence I have is more beautiful than I can put into words. However, I also feel an odd sense of loss that this thing I’ve been looking forward to for a year is now in the past. Ah, excitement and loss, a classic complicated combination.
So, what can we do when we feel complicated emotions like this in life?
Be with them, without being of them.
Here’s the thing: we can’t control how we feel. Emotions are like liquid pouring into our beings. We can’t turn off the faucet and stop the sensations that are arising. However, we can make ourselves big inside so that everything we are feeling has room to flow without putting pressure on our insides.
Slow down. Give yourself space. Relax your muscles. Breathe. Allow yourself to notice the different arising feelings that are flowing through you. Simply note them without grasping them.
For example, internally, this may look like:
“Ah, there is joy. There is hopefulness and relief. Now, I notice a resistance to accepting praise. There is a sadness arising because the impermanence of this moment highlights the transitional nature of life itself.”
By allowing yourself to notice complicated emotions when they arise, you gain a sense of clarity of all the things you’re feeling. When you have clarity, you have understanding. And that keeps you from feeling overwhelmed because you are aware of the process moving through you rather than living in a perpetual state of flinching discovery.
Making yourself expansive and clarifying your view of the complicated emotions you feel allows you to still enjoy the goodness of the present moment while holding the beautiful complexity of our human ability to feel.
Patiently, you can be present, embrace the sweetness of now, and allow the emotions that arise within you to flow in and out of your being like a cloud gently moving across the sky.
My book, Brave New You, is 21% off at Amazon right now. These discounts shift rapidly, so if you want to grab a copy, go ahead and do it while the discount is deep. Sending much mettā to you all.
Thank you to Rachelle Davis for this great shot of the new book!
dear cory,
i love this:
"So, what can we do when we feel complicated emotions like this in life?
Be with them, without being of them."
thank you for sharing!
much love
myq
Cory,
Thank you for this writing. It is exactly what I needed. I read it more than once and found the answer I needed. Your book has been a source of peace and inspiration. Please keep writing.