Letting go is a phrase that shows up regularly in the self-development world. We’re told to let go of what’s holding us back, our negative emotions, or our attachment to the way things are so we can accept change. Everyone is quick to tell us to let go. But we’re rarely told how to do so.
Physical and mental tension is at the core of anything we’d want to let go of–emotions, impulses, attachments, etc. That tension is primarily responsible for the suffering we feel during difficult moments. When we learn to notice when physical tension is arising within us and intentionally release it, we are literally practicing letting go. By doing this, we calm the body, which creates internal space, soothes the mind, and allows us to release our tension and the subject causing it.
The first step is being mindful of when we feel a burst of tension rising in us. That could be a reaction to a situation or someone's words, a thought about yourself or others, or a conflict you’re experiencing. When you notice your body flush with tension and grasping, you’ll want to face it head-on and actively work to release it. Imagine you are a window, and tension is merely passing through you rather than moving in to stay.
How letting go plays out in real life:
1. You notice tension rising in your body or mind.
Typically, you’ll feel your heart rate increase, your muscles tense, and your breathing speed increase. You’ll also likely start to feel hot because your adrenal glands release stress hormones when you’re flustered. Your mind will start racing, you’ll become hyper-aware, and you’ll have trouble focusing.
2. You’ll feel the impulse to react.
After automatic responses take over your body, you’ll feel a strong urge to do anything to respond to the intensity that you’re feeling. This is where mindful awareness is valuable. Having a spacious mind will allow you to notice your impulses but hold back from reacting so you can proceed intentionally.
3. You choose to release your tension and reset.
Next, you’ll take several deep breaths and reset your body. What you’re doing here is undoing the physical tension that manifests after your body releases stress hormones. You’ll want to consciously relax your muscles, calm your breathing, and ground yourself. Doing this will give you greater mental clarity, which will help you shift your perspective, see the tension as a passing phenomenon, release it, reset it, and move forward with self-compassion.
Perspective is power. Remembering that tension is temporary and you have the choice to shift your mindset gives you the strength to control how you feel and who you are. Remember, letting go is not a practice of avoidance. It’s cultivating the skill of addressing the situations in life that create suffering for you head-on so you can resolve them with clarity, compassion, and kindness rather than mindless aggression or emotional repression.
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