Technology has made it to where we’re connected with each other 24/7. That’s created a culture of always being available to everyone. What’s wild is that we don’t even have the option to opt out of the game.
If we shut off our notifications and go dark for a few days, we still aren’t taking ourselves out of the expectation ecosystem. That’s because when we come back online, there’s going to be a long line of people that have been waiting for us to get back to them. Because we’re so saturated with the expectations to always be available, people have intense reactions when we aren’t. They can get angry, take it personally, have their feelings hurt, and create false mental stories about why we aren’t quickly responding.
This is a problem. We need to disconnect and take time for ourselves. It’s the only way to shut off the noise and let our minds marinate so we can hear our inner voice and protect our peace.
So what do we do?
We have to change our mindset. We have to stop caring what other people think and do what’s best for us when needed. Otherwise, when we take time to disconnect, we won’t get anything out of it because we’ll be stressed the whole time that we’re not getting back to people.
4 Ways To Protect Your Peace:
Create an inner circle.
It’s wise to prioritize your response time to certain people. Your child? Respond asap. Guy that hits you up every three weeks when he needs something? Give it a few days, or don't respond at all.
Retrain your relationships.
Start slowly putting gaps into how long it takes you to respond. People will get used to the longer periods as you increase them. Before you know it, you are considered one of those people who “takes a few days.”
Let the system break.
You can’t be available for everyone all the time. We are connected to too many people these days to always be responsive. Do what you can and let go of the rest. The sooner you accept this, the better.
Their expectation, their problem. It isn’t your problem that someone else decided they need you to respond immediately. You didn’t set the expectation. They did. So it’s their problem when it isn’t met. Not yours.
Journal Prompt
What are ways that you can start protecting your peace?
How would taking breaks from the noise be nurturing for you?
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I used to respond to emails and messages at work immediately. I thought I was being super efficient and it would help me climb the greasy pole.
The reality is that people come to expect an immediate response.
People come to you at the eleventh hour because they know you’ll be there to hop to their need. Then, when you don’t deliver you get a bad reputation.
If you’re in this situation you need to wean people off this expectation. It’s tricky but it has to be done for your mental health!
This is so useful, and has just highlighted to me how immediately available I make myself and then often resent it. Time to put some boundaries in place and I’m going to use exactly these tips. Thank you Cory.