It happens all the time.
You’re flowing through your day.
Then someone says something to you.
It hits you in the perfectly wrong way.
And your whole body goes haywire.
You tighten up, get mad, and your heart races.
How is it possible that you feel completely chill one moment and then–like flipping a switch–a chunk of your day is turned inside out?
When you start paying attention to these moments, you’ll notice they happen all the time–even more than you realize.
They happen big. And they happen small.
For example:
A comment from someone else can give us a subtle tinge of negativity, or it can cause an explosive reaction where we start firing off defensive words without being aware of what we’re saying.
We can feel peaceful, then go to a social gathering and have the magnetic polarities of our personality flip upside down. Before we arrived, we were cool. Now we’re full of tension, talking in a weird way that makes us wonder whose voice is coming out of us.
Memories can even flip the tension switch. We might be fine, then see something that reminds us of an event or a person, and start feeling frustration and judgment while replaying memory scenes in our heads.
We can be triggered and swept into a blaze of frustration in countless ways. However, if we learn to see our tension as a teacher, we can overcome these reactions and start letting go.
Our tension is a teacher because each time we react, it shows us where we are attached, what we haven’t acknowledged, and where our egos are still sensitive.
Often, we ignore what we’re feeling. This happens because we get used to tuning out the feeling of being tired, feeling depressed, or some kind of physical pain.
We can reconnect with our bodies and feelings by slowing down, breathing deeply, and paying attention. Doing this will help us become more clear on what we are feeling when we are feeling it. This way, when we are triggered, and frustration arises, we can be aware of it as it’s happening and take control.
Once you start paying attention to your reactions, you’ll be able to work with them in three phases.
First:
You’ll start to notice the tension after it has already taken over your mind. In the middle of the reaction, you might think, “Whoops. I just got drawn into my tension and let it control me.” After that mindful realization, you can shift your behavior and stop the momentum of the reaction.
Next:
After practicing letting your tension be a teacher, you’ll start noticing your flares of tension as they happen. In the middle of switching into frustrated mode, you’ll feel it happening and be able to intervene. You can pause, take a deep breath, let go, and proceed with more compassion.
Finally:
With even more practice, you’ll be able to notice frustration before it has the chance to ignite. You’ll feel the impulse switch flip inside you, but you’ll be able to let the wave of frustration go before the signal from the switch it sent and turned into emotional energy. You are essentially diffusing a bomb and turning the trigger into a dud.
Letting your tension be a teacher is incredibly valuable. And believe me, it will never stop giving you chances to practice. That’s a good thing. It means you’ll be able to let go again and again–and become a natural at it.
You won’t ever be perfect at catching your frustration when it rises. But that isn’t what it’s about. It’s about being more consistent with how you can work with reactions that make your life heavier while bringing greater presence, compassion, and clarity to each of your days.
Remember:
It gets easier to let tension go when you realize the tension you’re holding was nothing–until you grasped it–and turned it into something.
That’s all for today. Much love, friends.
Podcast / And Then It Hit Me:
Elsewhere:
dear cory,
thank you as always for this/these.
here is a poem that your piece here has inspired:
when there's a tension
pay attention
love
myq
My triggers can vary but often are around seeing something on the news, feeling regret or getting some negative feedback for a piece of work I put by heart into.