8 Speaking Habits I Wish I'd Known Sooner

How To Create Closer Connections With Mindful Communication

Connection is the core of everything. Whether it be our partners, friends, family, or peers, feeling like we understand each other is what matters. Why? When we are present and hear each other, we aren’t just sharing a moment together. We feel like we are sharing what it means to be alive together. 

That’s why those special moments you share with the people you love feel so magical, deep, and timeless. For a moment, we connect on a core level and lose ourselves in a shared experience of now–like two minds and hearts merging into one.

Of course, no one teaches us how to connect with people like this. We drift through life and have to figure it out the best we can along the way. 

Communication is the skill that creates connection. It’s what helps us put our minds in sync with someone else so we can begin to see life together. And our words do more than that too. We can use them to protect ourselves, define who we are, understand ourselves, and stake claim to our futures. 

So, I want to share a small section from my new book, Brave New You, with you. It outlines eight key communication tools that will help connect with others while building a new level of self-confidence you can use to move through your world. 

from page 107 of Brave New You….

How to Mindfully Communicate

1. Don’t repeatedly bring the focus of the conversation back on you.

Since we express ourselves when we talk, focusing only on our takes, feelings, and interests is natural. Doing this can make the other person feel unimportant, disconnected, and small.

Making sure a conversation is balanced deepens connections. Allow space while you’re talking. Listen to what they say instead of waiting for your turn to speak. Inviting the other person to share more helps them feel safe and allows them to go deeper into themselves. Doing these things creates a channel between two people that enables them to hear each other, connect on a deep level, and for a moment become one.

2. Ask questions instead of correcting people.

Most of us have a firm attachment to how we think things are. Because of this, we are quick to react and correct other people’s opinions during a conversation.

Building the habit of asking questions instead of correcting people is a strong form of mindful communication. It keeps you from making assumptions and gives the person you’re talking to a chance to share more of their insights, which often leads to valuable new ways of thinking.

3. Quietly listen.

During the heat of a conversation, we often get excited and share our opinions at length. While this can be appropriate sometimes, it’s wise to be mindful of when or why we contribute our point of view.

Sometimes quietly listening can be more powerful than speaking. We don’t always need to be the ones giving opinions. Being patient and giving our attention to the person we are talking with will often make them feel more validated than anything we could say. It will make them feel heard and give them the space to open up.

4. Communicate boundaries.

Speaking isn’t limited to friendly chats. Words are tools you can and should use to let others know your feelings and where you stand. Be clear about what you’re comfortable with. People aren’t mind readers. You have to tell them what your boundaries are before they can know.

Be clear about how much time you can give. Carving out time in your day to focus on what’s important to you is the only way to progress. Not everyone is on the same path or has the same obligations as you do. So they might be more flexible with their time and not realize they aren’t respecting yours. You should also be clear about what’s meaningful to you. Each of us has different things in life that give us our purpose. Sometimes you need to express this to others, so they better understand why you do what you do.

Communicating your boundaries is how you define your life. It lets other people know who you are and makes it clear if they try to treat you as someone you are not.

5. Let go of the urge to say harmful things.

We all have an instinct now and again to talk trash, gossip, or put things down. While this is a natural part of being human, being mindful of speaking this way is important.

Here’s a simple way to improve your life: when you feel you’re about to say something negative for no reason, pause and let it go.

Speaking negatively doesn’t add anything good to how you or the people around you feel. It only encourages the energy of the conversation to become more harmful.

Also, the patterns that you speak in influence the habits that you think in. That’s because the neuroplasticity of our brains shifts to make what we do easier. So if you often say negative things, you will think negatively. Not just about others but about yourself and your potential future. Resisting the urge to speak in a critical, harmful, and judgmental way literally rewires your brain’s synapses. That means the longer you practice this, the fewer negative thoughts will rise in your mind throughout the day.

6. Speak from a sincere and present place.

It’s obvious when someone isn’t tuned in or placates you during a conversation. This energy keeps people from connecting and invites the potential for subtle sarcasm and negativity.

Be sincere when you speak. It conveys an authentic energy that grounds the conversation. What’s lovely about this is that creating a firm and open feeling in a conversation gives the person you’re talking to a feeling of trust. This feeling allows them to access deeper parts of themselves, share more, and embrace a rich sense of realness.

7. Choose your words as you speak.

Because we speak so much, it’s easy to drift and start speaking on autopilot. Paying attention to what you’re saying as you’re saying it is a strong form of mindful awareness. Doing this doesn’t take any extra energy. All it takes is attention. And practicing this comes with a big reward. Being mindful of your words as you speak helps you clarify your thoughts. This clarity will help you express yourself more precisely, reducing the chance of miscommunication and increasing your ability to convey what’s meaningful to you.

Choosing what you say with intention also helps you speak honestly. Sometimes we can be hyperbolic, bend the truth, or hide ulterior motivations in our words. Being aware of what you’re saying prevents this, which boosts your integrity and makes others see you as trustworthy. Paying attention to your words also gives you the space to prioritize kindness. It’s incredible how even the most minor kind comments can greatly impact other people. Often much more than we could ever know.

8. Being peaceful doesn’t mean you’re always passive.

It’s important to assert yourself sometimes. Of course, it’s healthy to be rational and nonreactionary. However, life sometimes gets thick, and we aren’t heard or face unfair resistance. In these moments, we need to put power in our words and make a claim to our lives.

When you are assertive, speak kindly but honestly. There’s no need to be angry or negative when being forceful. You just need to be clear and matter-of-fact without attachment to aggressive emotions. Speaking like this when needed fosters a sense of self-belief, makes you feel validated, and helps you give yourself the respect you deserve.

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For a limited time:

When you preorder Brave New You, you will gain instant access to bonus material I created, which will no longer be available after the book’s release.

So make sure to preorder today!

Deep thanks to everyone who has already preordered their copy. Preordering is incredibly helpful to me, the life of the book, and how many other people it will help. I’m beyond grateful for your support. It’s what makes it possible for me to keep writing for you.