Mindful Change Is Gradual

Become Who You Want By Seeing Who You Are

One of the biggest breakthroughs for me that has continued making my life better to this day was realizing that I’m in control of who I am. Since I’m in control of who I am, each choice I make shapes who I’ll grow to be in the future. 

Now, this may seem obvious. Most of us are aware that the choices we make determine who we are. But, the mind-blower is realizing how many choices we make that we are unaware of and how much that plays a role in who we become.

Let me share how this dawned on me. I started meditating when I was a teenager. Really, it was out of necessity because I was so anxious, emotionally distressed, and frustrated at the world and everyone in it. After practicing meditation for a few months, I became aware that there was a whole world of thoughts, feelings, and reflective depth inside of me. It was like I’d only been aware of what was going on outside of my body and mind up until that point, and I’d suddenly become aware of myself, or should I say, self-aware. 

Being more self-aware and conscious of my inner life brought me closer to the present moment.

I started connecting more with what was actually going on in my life instead of being lost in a distracted whirlwind of emotional tension, blurry thoughts, and anxiety. As I noticed my body, nervous system, and mind cooling off a bit, I started to feel more comfortable in my own existence. That created some space in the present moment and one day, I started seeing who I really was with greater clarity. 

I can summarize this moment with my favorite line from Steven Wright’s book Harold: “Being alive is an invasion of privacy.”

With some embarrassment, I started to see how much I was doing and saying in the world that I truly wasn’t aware of until that moment. I made reactive rude comments to push people away defensively and didn’t notice because I was so anxious I was crawling out of my skin. I compulsively overindulged in whatever was in front of me because I was trying to feel something, anything good while distracting myself from my constant inner suffering. I couldn’t get the plan for my life on track because I was stuck living in the story of my ego rather than focusing on what was true in reality (i.e., that I was going to have to work hard to be successful rather than  having my dreams handed to me on a silver platter.) 

When I slowed down and started noticing how much of my behavior I was unaware of and how it affected who I was in the world, I decided I wanted to change. 

And, my path of mindful living began. 

I started slowing down the best I could and deeply paying attention to what I was doing in the present moment. I focused on speaking with intention and clarity rather than mindlessly spewing a stream of unexamined reactionary thoughts. Doing this helped me speak more mindfully, with greater compassion and clarity. There’s a long list of ways mindfulness started improving my life from that moment on. But ultimately, slowing down and paying attention to the present allowed me to become aware of the choices I was making of which I was unaware. 

Mindful change is gradual. It doesn’t turn on, it fades in.

Once you start paying closer attention to what you’re saying and doing and how you’re responding rather than reacting to life, you’ll start to see yourself with greater clarity. Then, day after day, you’ll notice that you are becoming more self-aware and in greater control of who you are.

In time, you’ll start to see the results of your effort, which is that every mindful choice you’ve made in the past contributes to your sense of happiness, clarity, and peacefulness in the present. You have so much say in who you will become. All you have to do is live mindfully in the now and patiently watch the beauty unfold.

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