The Only Question Worth Asking This Year

How to replace a thousand resolutions

The first day of the year is always full of feelings. We feel excited, renewed, and ready for the journey ahead. But we also feel anxiety, pressure, and the nagging need to be somehow better, or at least different than how we were last year. If we don’t feel like we’re improving or growing in some capacity, we feel stagnant. And stagnancy feels like failure, a misappropriation of the one life we’re so lucky to experience, a kind of slow death of the spirit.

That’s why, around the new year, everywhere you look, you see lists, suggestions, and strategies from every possible angle (except the one I’m going to share, of course!) of how you can be better. They tell you who you need to become, what you should accomplish, and what ten steps to follow to feel good about yourself. Or more clearly, trick yourself into avoiding that pesky “death of the spirit” vibe I mentioned earlier.

Often, it’s just too much pressure to come up with a plan for the year. And forcing clarity when you’re in a marinating phase does more harm than good. One of my big issues with new year planning is that we live in an extremely unpredictable timeline. Things change all the time. Nothing ever works out how we expect. Life is always full of surprises. So really, planning out everything is more of a way to release anxiety than to map a future reality.

I’m here to offer a suggestion. We aren’t going to reinvent New Year’s traditions. We’re just going to go around them. Instead of coming up with a top ten list of to-dos or a month-by-month plan, we’re going to keep it simple. Because really, you don’t need all of that, and it probably won’t help much in the long run.

What you need is a question, not a goal or plan. This question is a sturdy internal reference point that you can revisit again and again when things get stressful, confusing, or unclear. It’s a compass for the present moment.

The question is this: Is this bringing me closer to myself or further away?

No spreadsheets, timelines, or pressure to have psychic wisdom of the arc of your future. You simply live in the present moment, look inward when you feel the need, and ask yourself if what you’re doing (or about to do) aligns with your values and deeper intentions as a person.

You can ask it in small moments. Like when you’re trying to decide how to spend your time. When you notice yourself saying yes when you want to say no. Or when you’re rushing for no reason, scrolling mindlessly, or not treating yourself as well as you should be.

Closer feels like clarity. It feels like relief, grounded, honest, and aligned with what you know is right. Moving closer to who you are often feels quietly exciting, too. Like courage, strength, and awareness growing inside of you.

Further away feels like tension. It’s being someone you aren’t, rushing to meet others’ expectations instead of your own, or opting to say the copy-and-paste small talk comment instead of saying what’s authentic and meaningful. It literally feels like you’re operating from outside of yourself.

Most New Year’s resolutions fail because they’re set from comparison, fear, or obligation (I should instead of I want to). Asking yourself this question changes that. There’s no need to become someone new, or in other words, someone who you are not. Quite the opposite, actually. Each time you ask yourself the question, you get closer to a more authentic version of who you are.

What’s beautiful is that the more time you spend tuning into this inner knowing, the more it becomes a part of your mental culture. By that, I mean the more natural it is for you to respond to life (and yourself) from a place of calm, aligned intention rather than reactive habits. You stop outsourcing your path to trends, advice, or urgency, and use what feels right to you in the present as your compass.

So don’t make the year about doing more, proving anything, or becoming someone you’re not.

Do the opposite. Be done living from the outside in. Live from the inside out.

Let this year be about depth, self-honesty, slow movement, and choosing what brings you back to yourself.

Remember, when things get tricky or unclear, just ask yourself: closer or further away?

If you let that question lead, the rest will unfold on its own time. And all the while, you’ll be aligned.