Today is the last day to enroll in the 21-Day Calm & Clarity Reset that I am hosting with my dear friend, Yung Pueblo. We will meet as a group every day for 21 days to overcome burnout, stress, overwhelm, and urgency culture. We are going to create a beautiful space for learning, wisdom, and new healthy habits. Sign up closes today, and there are only a few spots left in the group. See you all soon. Excited to meet you!
We live in a world addicted to reactions.
Someone cuts you off in traffic, they expect you to be angry. A coworker challenges your idea in a meeting, and they tense their body, waiting for a defensive duel. Your partner brings up a sensitive topic again, and the air in the room thins with the anticipation of emotional conflict.
Here’s what most people miss:
You have the power to choose calm when others expect a reaction.
Truly, it’s one of the most powerful, peaceful, and wise skills you can develop.
Think about it. When someone comes at you with their energy, they’re handing you their emotional state and asking you to match it. They’re angry, so they want you to mirror their anger. They’re stressed, so they want you to meet them in their stressed state. They’re operating from a place of reactivity, and need you to join them to feel validated. They are also often—without being conscious of it—are trying to offload their suffering onto you so they don’t have to carry the weight alone.
But. What happens when you don’t accept the offer to suffer with (or for) them?
Everything changes. It’s like a magic trick that bends reality.
When you pause instead of react, you create space.
Space to think clearly and feel deeply.
Space to respond from your values instead of your triggers.
Space to see the big picture that reactive thinking always shrinks.
Space to act from your wise heart instead of your challenged ego.
Though let’s be clear. This isn’t about suppressing your emotions. It’s about seeing that your initial, unskillful emotional response doesn’t have to dictate your actions. You feel the anger, notice the frustration, and note the hurt, then give yourself a moment of space to process, get out of fight-or-flight mode, and think from the highest part of your being. Doing this allows you to respond from a place of intentionality rather than one of impulse, which always inflames instead of heals.
After you start doing this, you’ll discover something interesting. People don’t know what to do with your calm. They’ve prepared for a reaction, for you to deliver what they are feeling back at them, but they haven’t prepared for your stillness. Your measured response. Your thoughtful pause. Your wise, patient depth and selfless clarity.
Start small as you develop this skill. The next time someone sends you an irritating text, don’t respond immediately. Take three deep breaths. Set your phone down.
Ask yourself: “What outcome do I want and how can I be clear, kind, and grounded?” Then craft your response from that place of clarity.
Practice this in low-stakes situations first.
The barista gets your order wrong. Cool. No need to be short. They’re probably overwhelmed and overworked. Let them know about the misstep as if you’re talking to a friend.
Your coworker sends another passive-aggressive email. That energy is on them, not you. Take a minute. Use that as a training ground for your nervous system. See the game they are trying to play, and thoughtfully respond on a higher level that not only speaks your truth but also peacefully renders their message null.
Remember, choosing calm doesn’t mean you don’t care or you’re trying to play a head game and win. It means you care enough to respond to your life with wisdom and patience, rather than reactive, careless chaos.
The world has enough reactive people who aren’t paying attention to their own lives, much less how they affect the lives of others. What it needs more of are people who think clearly, hold mature emotions when tensions are high, and understand that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is take a moment to be still.
I think it becomes seemingly more difficult to be patient for an extended period of time, regardless of meditations and how much you try to take the high road. Dealing with passive aggressive behavior, action with ulterior motives that you’re aware of, in an overstimulated state, it’s difficult not to react, but I can agree taking a step back before engaging is the smarter thing to do.
Such a powerful article. Being able to hold a calm energy in a reactive world is a beautiful act of emotional maturity. Much easier said than done but so valuable to practice